Satire and Diablo III

Screenshot of Diablo 3.

So the third game of the immensely-popular Diablo series was released just yesterday. For those who are unaware, Diablo III is a PC game. A dungeon-crawler. A macabre piece of art, a memorable one for my part. I remember as a child I used to sit and watch my dad slaughter imps, naked winged-women and, yes, the devil itself. Now before anyone condemns my dad for allowing a ten-year-old like me witness possibly demonic figures, allow me to express how thankful I am that I was exposed to such imagery. Through the first two games of Diablo I was given access to the dark side of life (or a representation of), to the unknown. And growing up I became more confident about my spiritual beliefs, which has finally evolved into something more robust.

Of course, in this time and age, when objections and censorship still flutter here and there, it is only normal for people to feel paranoia for whatever disdain certain religious institutions would express. Satirical website So What's News is highly aware of this, allowing them to write a piece entitled Retailers Ordered to Stop Selling Diablo 3 After CBCP was Granted TRO by SC. The main issue is not the article itself but the amount of comments the piece has gained. We're talking hundreds here, all doing one of three things: actually displaying anger over CBCP's alleged action, scolding fellow comment-givers for believing in the satirical piece, and merely applauding the piece for what it's worth.

Screenshot of the original Diablo.

Despite the fact that there are a couple of giveaways in the article that emphasize its questionability, it's still amazing how people immediately believe every single word from it. For example, a user who wants to be called Kula says,

Padre Damaso in the making?Again?Part 3 na ngayon lang nila dinispute, and walang sense, daming bagay na dapat ayusin sa simbahan eh, like 2nd collection?! etc. waste of time…

Of course, some people who know what's going on were quick to correct others. For example, Deadknife gave the comment,

Hahahaha ambilis nyo naman mag react. Hindi naman ito totoong news eh. Parang the Onion lang ito. Cool lang kayo. Sige level up muna ako mga parekoi

But since CBCP does have a couple of eyebrow-raising objections in the past (my opinion, not yours), some people remain a bit open-minded despite knowing that the article is a satire. Anonymous user says:

It may be a satire, but with CBCP’s track record to stick their noses into ANYTHING, the idea may not be too far fetched.

And don't get me started on this one. I just don't know if the person is serious or not.

So what exactly do we learn from this? The issue is not about CBCP or Diablo 3 (and my opinion is that no matter what others might say, the game is not about serving the devil, but doing the opposite). The real issue here is that we as Internet users have grown accustomed to the fact that everything we read online is real. Maybe we've gotten used to how we can simply rely on Google when we have school projects. Maybe we have become too comfortable with our online world that we treat it as a hub for real information. 

No matter what the reason is, the comments on the article are proof that at times we are too lazy to ask ourselves, "where exactly am I reading this from?" Just because an article is written in a scholarly manner doesn't make it half as real as it should. What should be our online philosophy from now on? When in doubt, know more about the source.

You don't want to end up like this guy.

9 Messages for 9 People

This post contains 9 messages for 9 people. The fun lies in not telling who these people are. Some blogger friends of mine have already written a post like this (Iya, Bino, Leah), so nakigaya ako kasi inggitero ako. I invite other bloggers to join the fun and write their own. All I can say is that five of these messages are for five bloggers who have played important roles in my life as a fellow blogger.

1. The seemingly harmless ordinary day had nothing to do with the way blood gushed out of your mouth as if you spat a glassful of catsup. I roared in tears like the madman I was. I ran. I ran towards the lake where the bubbles seemed to have gathered to take me away. And I was gone. Up to now a drop of your blood still tarnishes my shoulder, a cursed mark I have to deal with for abandoning the girl who is never the same. Now I am prepared to fight to the death for the sake of your safety.

2. It was the only time I wrote a poem out of mere affection. Where is it now, the poem I once gave you? I took it back. You should have seen how I tore the paper into small pieces. Moreover, you should have seen how I knelt down as I slowly come into a realization. I picked up the pieces, one by one, and placed each in my mouth. Paper tastes so good. Having consumed each piece I yearned for more. And now I eat nothing but paper, all because you did not deserve my poem.

3. Do you remember going back in time to retrieve our lost childhood for us to use in the present? Guess what? I lied. It was never the past which we travelled into. It was our future. We started out as foolish kids and grew into more mature individuals, but people have a knack of returning to where they once were, and thus we shall succumb to the pleasure of being foolish kids once more. Yes, it was our future. I lied. And I am not sorry.

4. Decades will pass and I will still remember how you stood in front of the class, teaching us all we needed to know. The smell of your red vest still lingers around my nose. Your hair as dry as broom bristles I can still feel in my hands. And those breasts, oh, those round supple breasts. Do you still keep them that way, or do you now let them hang out for every man in the darkness to see and feel?

5. You knocked on my door and told me we have already been married a couple of years ago. We sat down and you described how we first met, how I got off my bike to help you pick up the bag of groceries you dropped along the gravelly road near my house. Yet I always make it a point to choose the smoothly-paved road instead of the one you talked about. Yes, I remember riding my bike on that specific date, and I wonder if I would have indeed met you if I had decided to brave the gravels. But not now. Not here. Not this dimension.

6. There are spirits behind the curtains. I see their obscure figures try to push through the fabric. I see their futile attempts to escape. I see them, but you don’t. Your eyes always travel to that area in the dining room where the specters are. I know you can feel them, but your mind is as closed as a locked vault that the amusing rumba of spirit and curtain is something you’ll always miss.

7. First time I stepped into your living room I immediately saw the tiny green elf under your couch. You probably had no idea such an elf existed in your own house. He showed me a 1-peso coin—which he could barely carry, mind you—and placed it in my hand. The coin became mine, and my life, the elf’s. Now each night as I lay on my bed the little green man would come out to nibble my fingernails, and each time he does I get a coin. All this just because I entered your house on that fateful rainy afternoon.

8. As we anticipated the development of the baby in its womb from beginning until end, we talked and talked, got to know a lot about each other, and on the day the baby was born disaster occurred. Now, the baby is still in its jar where we placed it more than a year ago, waiting to be found behind a public hospital. Do you still want to go and give him a proper burial?

9. Phoenixes soar the skies as we speak. You and I might continue to exhaust these birds until clouds are completely filled with bright blazes of yellow and orange feathers. The world might end with either the domination or the extinction of these mythical creatures; our routine might conclude come heaven-knows-when, but keep in mind that each uncertain day I “spend” with you is always a trial worth enduring. The moles on your body, your all-too familiar fragrance—when will I finally become a master of you, and you, a master of me?

Salaysay ng Isang Pulubing Nakahiga sa Isang Bakanteng Lote ng Cagnayo Subdivision

Lahok para sa Bagsik ng Pantik ng Damuhan.com.

Hindi lang ikaw ang kauna-unahang taong nagtanong sa akin kung bakit ako naririto araw-araw, gabi-gabi. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang mga mapanuring utak ang huminto sa kanilang paglalakad upang tanungin kung bakit tila hindi ko maiwan ang lugar na kinalalagyan ko ngayon.

Gusto mong ikuwento ko? Halika. Lumapit ka. Humiga ka sa tabi ko. Huwag kang mag-alala. Maaring maraming mga hantik, kulisap at mga gagambang umaali-aligid sa damuhang ito, pero walang makakapantay sa respeto na ibinibigay nila sa akin.

Ayan. Komportable ka ba? Hindi ka ba nangangati? Hindi ka ba nahihiyang makita ng mga naglalakad na katabi mo ang isang gusgusing kagaya ko? Mabuti naman kung ganoon.

Naranasan mo nang makakita ng mga puting butil? Ito yung mga misteryosong mga tuldok na makikitang lumilipad sa harapan natin, ngunit bigla na lang nawawala kapag deretso nating tinitingnan. Minsan sila’y lumalabas kapag tumitingin tayo sa kalangitan o kaya nama’y humihikab habang nakapikit. Ang hinuha ko noo’y sila’y mga maliliit na kaluluwang nagpaparamdam, mga kaluluwang kapag ating tinitingnan ng deretsahan ay nahihiya’t bumabalik sa kagawaran ng langit. Subukan mo mang hulihin sila ng iyong paningin ay hindi mo magagawa kahit kailan.

Marami-rami na ring nagsilbing puting butil ng buhay ko. Maraming mga bagay na pinilit kong mapasaakin ngunit hindi ko nagawa.

Dito sa bakanteng lote itinayo ang aking bahay noong ako’y ikinasal sa aking asawang si Soledad. Simple lang ang naging pamumuhay namin. Nagtrabaho ako bilang isang propesor ng Panitikan sa isang sikat na unibersidad, tambay sa mga mala-Stratford-upon-Avon na silid-aklatan sa Maynila.

Sumiklab ang karahasan ng Martial law nang hindi namin inaasahan. Araw-araw ay magkayakap kaming gumigising ni Soledad sa isang bansang naghihingalo, sa isang bansang namumulubi sa katahimikan, sa isang bansang tinitirhan ng mga indibidwal na misteryosong dinadakip ng kadiliman ng gabi. Huminto muna ako sa pagtuturo nang nalaman kong isa-isang nawawala ang aking mga kasamahan sa trabaho. Hanggang ngayo’y hindi ko alam kung saan sila napadpad. Nagkulong kami ni Soledad sa aming bahay ng ilang linggo. Lumipas ang mga araw na kami ay nanirahan sa takot at kaba.

Nagbago ang lahat nang kumatok sa aming pintuan ang batang walang mukha. Pumasok siya sa aming bahay na walang saplot, ngunit hindi namin pinuna ang kanyang hubad na anyo. Ang kanyang mukha ay isang malawak na patag ng balat na tila isang makinis na bumbunan ng sanggol. Binihisan namin siya, ipinagluto ng masasarap na pagkain, pinatulog sa aming kama, at nang sumunod na linggo ay kaagad akong naglakbay para sa misyon na ibinigay niya sa akin.

Ayon sa batang walang mukha, ang itinadhanang kagaya ko ang magliligtas sa bansa nating naghihingalo. Isa raw akong bayani, isang larawan ng sundalong ipinadala ng Diyos upang puksain ang sino mang magtatangkang maghasik ng kasamaan. Ngunit hindi ko raw iyon magagawa hangga’t hindi napapasaakin ang ilang mga importante bagay.

Nagpaalam ako kay Soledad kinaumagahan upang iligtas ang Pilipinas.

Isang palakpak lang ng batang walang mukha ay agad lumitaw ang higanteng agila. Aking sinakyan ang napakalaking ibon na walang bahid ng takot sa aking kaloob-looban. Mabilis ang biyahe patungo sa tuktok ng Bundok Makiling. Gamit ang aking sibat ay nakahuli ako ng mga pagkain, mga kalapati’t paniking bahagyang minalas na sumabay sa aking paglalakbay. Nakarating ako sa tuktok ng Makiling matapos ang ilang oras. Agad akong dumeretso sa kuweba ng mga diwata kung saan kinailangan kong pigilin ang temptasyong inihain ng mga hubad na dalaga upang ako’y makahila ng isang hibla ng buhok mula sa kanilang reyna. Sinunod kong pinuntahan ang Marianas Trench, na aking narating sa tulong ng isang lipon ng mga galunggong. Doon ay nilangoy ko ang ilalim ng dagat at nakipagkarera sa isang taunang kompetisyon ng mga syokoy at sirena. Sa aking pagkapanalo ay napasaakin ang boteng naglalaman ng kanta ng Prinsesa ng Dagat. Ako nama’y tumapak sa lupa ng Rizal at nakipagbunong-braso sa magiting na Bernardo Carpio. Sa pagkatalo ng higante ay aking nakamit ang singsing na sadyang nagpalakas sa kanya. Nalungkot ang higante, ngunit ako’y nangako na maibabalik ang kanyang singsing sa tamang panahon. Hindi ko rin makakalimutan ang hirap na dinanas ko sa huling parte ng aking misyon, kung saan dinayo ko ang Capiz at pumatay ng isandaang maligno upang makarating sa kanilang hari sa isang tagumbayan sa gitna ng kagubatan. Pero walang kahirap-hirap kong nakuha ang pugot niyang ulo, na mismong iniluwa ang isinumpang hiyas na siyang nagbigay-kasamaan sa kanyang pagkatao ng ilang taon.

Ang hibla ng buhok ng diwata, ang kanta ng Prinsesa ng Dagat, ang singsing ng higante, at ang hiyas ng maligno. Naaalala ko pa ang pagiging manhid ng aking puso nang binalot ako ng realidad na nagbadya ng katapusan ng aking misyon. At bago ako bumalik sa aking bahay ay minabuti kong dumaan sa Tarlac upang makiusap sa mga engkantong bigyan ako ng kanilang pinakamatatamis na kamatsile para sa aking minamahal na asawa. Nagmadali akong umuwi rito upang muling makasama si Soledad. Kay laki ng ngiting nakapinta sa aking mukha habang binuksan ko ang pintuan ng aking bahay. Ngunit isang malaking espasyo ng hangin ang aking nasilayan. Walang kagamitan. Walang Soledad.

Ang isa sa mga malulubhang sumpang ibinigay sa mga mortal na kagaya natin ay ang ating kakulangang makamtan ang lahat ng ating mga pangarap. Gaya ng mga puting butil, walang sing-dali ang pagtanaw sa ating mga adhikain. Ngunit sa tuwing susubukan nating abutin ang iba sa mga ito ay hindi natin magagawa. Titingin tayo sa kalangitan, makikita ang ating mga kagustuhan, at tuwing liliparin natin ay merong mga puwersang hihila sa atin pababa, na parang isang saranggola na walang magawa kundi umasa sa taling nakakabit sa kanya.

Inabandona ko si Soledad at inabandona rin niya ako. Sa kagustuhan kong gumawa ng malaking pagbabago sa aking bansa ay hindi ko man lang naisip ang mga bagay na mas importante sa aking puso. Tayo’y tao lamang. Walang masamang unahin ang ating sarili. Ipinanganak tayong mga nilalang sa isang mundong mapang-api. Kagaya ng damuhang ating hinihigaan ngayon, ang mundo ay makitid, masikip, puno ng misteryo. At bilang mga tao, walang masama kung tayo’y magpapakasakim sa kakaisip lamang ng ating sarili upang mabuhay sa daigdig na ito.

Pinili kong maging sakim.

Tama ang iyong hula. Nasa pagmamay-ari ko pa rin ang mga bagay na aking nakuha ilang dekada na ang nakalipas. Ang buhok, ang kanta, ang singsing, at ang hiyas, lahat ng mga ito’y nakabaon sa lupang hinihigaan natin. Dadaan muna sa aking dahas ang sinumang magtatangkang kunin ang mga ito kahit na gaano pa kaganda ang kanilang intensyon. Habang hindi nagagamit ang mga kayamanang ito, patuloy tayong mamumuhay sa isang mundong puno ng kahapisan.

Si Soledad, ang kanyang pagbabalik ay ang tanging rason upang magbago ang isip ko. Ipinagdarasal kong dumating na ang araw na iyon, ngayo’y malapit na rin akong magpaalam sa mundong ito.

Salamat sa iyong oras, kaibigan. Sana’y maisapuso mo ang lahat ng mga kinuwento ko. Bagamat ramdam ko ang iyong kahirapang paniwalaan ang ibang mga salik sa aking salaysay, sana ay hindi mo ito makakalimutan. Huwag mong kakalimutan ang taong piniling maging makasarili sa ngalan ng kanyang personal na kasiyahan. At huwag mo rin kakalimutan ang panganib na ipagkalat ang ating sikreto, maliban na lang kung iyo’y naising mawala sa mundo ng mga mortal sa isang iglap lamang.

A las tres na pala ng hapon. Ayan na ang nagtitinda ng sorbetes. Meron ka bang sampung piso diyan? Baka pwede mo kong ibili ng ice cream. Pwede ba?

Trip to Baler, Day Two.

So I wrote down last Sunday that the details on Day Two of our Baler trip would be posted last Monday. Guess what? Huli na naman ako. Anyway, to read what happened during our first day in Baler, click here.

So we slept in an area quite far from the town proper. We woke up the next morning feeling revitalized (there goes that word again) to accomplish as much as possible on our last day. As planned, we went back to the terminal to meet our tricycle drivers, who immediately took us to the famous balete tree situated in Maria Aurora, Aurora.

May kapre kaya dito?

The trip took a good half hour. Good thing there were only a few people when we arrived. Young locals are willing to guide you inside. Yes, they actually allow visitors to enter the tree. We even climbed up the highest point our feet can reach. They even told us a tourist fell from a good height the day before our trip. Aray.

We were, however, a bit turned off at how they placed a large hole on the face of one of the indigenous people in the picture (above, left), as if placing your head there, making faces, and taking pictures of yourself is something funny.

Next stop was Museo de Baler, its facade pictured at the top of this post.

Statues, ceramics, model ships, paintings, old bells, costumes from the movie Baler. These are some of the things you can find in the building, so it's a perfectly good opportunity for history buffs and curious people alike to learn a thing or two about the rich history of Baler. Entrance is free, by the way.

Next up was Aurora Quezon's house. Again, libre ulit ang pagpasok. Inside you get to see the place where the First Lady had lived before her assassination. One would find mannequins wearing clothes of the past (doubtfully colorful, in my opinion), while in one of the rooms was a drumset. Apparently, mahilig magdrums si Aurora noong early 1900's.

I-forgot-the-name-of-this Beach.

The tricycle drivers took us to Ermita Hill next. While looking at the view we spotted a nice-looking beach far far away, and we had to force ask our guides to take us there.

Syaks, I feel so stupid for forgetting what this place is called (Edit: Digisit Beach daw, sabi ni Suzie). It looks amazing, The water's super clean. Even though we came unprepared, my friend and I couldn't resist swimming. Pero malayo na nga kami sa shore, hanggang waist pa ang tubig. Astig, no?

Dugyot moment. Impromptu swimming namin.

Our last destination was Sabang Beach. Since we didn't have any reservations on Bahia de Baler, pumasok lang kami para magswimming at magsurf, ganyan.

My companions decided to try out surfing with the help of Aliya Surf School. I was tasked to take shots of them surfing so they'd be able to post the pictures on their Facebook profiles or something. But it turned out that it was more fun to take pictures of them falling on the water.

To be fair, they got really good a few minutes after these pics were taken.

I gave up halfway and decided to swim and brave the strong waves of the beach. After an hour of surfing lessons, my friends finally joined me get slapped on the face by the waves.

Manila Citizen is that sexy thing in blue in the middle of the pic.

Two warnings regarding this beach, though. Since there are a lot of surfers on the water, it is wise to stay away from them since you are closing your eyes each time you ride on a wave. One of the surfers actually collided with me. I felt the surfboard on my batok. I wasn't hurt at all. In fact, it was the guy who got injured because my elbow hit his face.

To that mysterious surfer. Sana mapatawad mo ako. Nagsorry naman ako, di ba? Huhuhu. (Me ganun?!)

I'll never forget this spot. Bwiset. LOL.

Second warning. Since the waves can be a bit pushy, it is wise that you swim with a good swimmer. After an hour in the water, we were still jumping on the waves when the tide suddenly got a bit high. We were staring Death in the face as we paddled there like dogs, waiting for the waves to push us back towards the shore. And for someone like me who doesn't swim well, knowing how to hold your breath underwater long enough to get pushed by a wave is your best defense.

If you guys are looking for a great way to spend your vacation, whether you are looking for something relaxing or a bit physical, don't hesitate to give Aurora a chance. In fact, being in this wonderful place has become one of my most unforgettable couple of days ever. (This emo portion is brought to you by Datu Puti Vinegar.)

After swimming in Sabang Beach, we were all tired as hell. Pero masaya ang experience, siyempre.

Ang pinaka-haggard na lalaki sa balat ng lupa. Nakakatulog sa dinner.

So I've been to six different beaches since 2012 began. Now when I look at the mirror I see a guy with sunburned face and dark-colored arms. Magpapaputi na muna ako bago ako pumunta sa next vacation spot. Salamat sa inyong pakikinig sa aking munting kwento. Hanggang sa muli, mga bata. Paalaaaaaaam! (Kakaway na may plastic na ngiti.)

Thanks to you-know-who-you-are for the pics.